Are you more like a sealion or a snail? A sealion is concerned with getting the right performance and applause as it balances a ball on its nose whereas the snail moves so slowly to a task that you might think it is paralysed. Consider the time you take to begin and complete a job – do you procrastinate out of concern to get it done perfectly or do you like to get on with it to an ‘acceptable standard’? If you had a smart meter fitted, would you regularly consult it to check power consumption or would you be happy to leave it in a cupboard to look at occasionally? To be a ‘perfectionist’ can be debilitating – on the one hand causing endless delays and on the other leading to insecurity with a constant need to please others. It can be the thin end of the wedge of personality disorders associated with anxiety and OCD behaviour.
- ‘In order to go on living one must try to escape the death involved in perfectionism’ – Hannah Arendt
- ‘I have to say that I’ve always believed perfectionism is more of a disease than a quality. I do try to go with the flow but I can’t let go’ – Rowan Atkinson
- ‘Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough – that we should try again’ – Julia Cameron
- ‘Many people think of perfectionism as striving to be your best, but it is not about self-improvement; it’s about earning approval and acceptance’ – Brene Brown
How many of these people do you think would advocate using a spirit level for simple DIY? Would you use one if putting up a shelf?! There is an old saying: ‘If anything is worth doing, it is worth doing well’. Most of us would go along with that as nobody admires a ‘bodged job’ or the work of a ‘cowboy builder’, unless of course your own approach is ‘that’ll do’!
Dangers – do you recognise any of these in others or yourself?
- Striving for excellence can lead to success, but excessive perfectionism may cause stress and burnout.
- The thought of making mistakes can be paralysing, leading to procrastination or avoidance.
- Anxiety, depression, and eating disorders are common among perfectionists.
- Perfectionists often overwork, taking excessive time on tasks in striving for unattainable levels of perfection.
- High expectations can lead to conflicts with friends, family, and colleagues.
- Constant self-criticism can lead to a negative self-image and poor self-esteem.
- Bad team dynamics can result through unreasonable expectations.
- Perfectionist managers may struggle to delegate tasks, leading to overbearing control and micromanagement.
Causes – many and various pressures!
- High-pressure environments, like competitive schools or workplaces, can foster perfectionist tendencies.
- Many perfectionists develop their tendencies from childhood due to high expectations from parents or teachers.
- Studies suggest that perfectionism can be inherited.
- Some cultures place a higher value on perfection, influencing individuals to adopt these traits.
- Rejection of childhood poverty leading to a need to impress and break out of financial insecurity.
- Social media and peer pressure.
Cures – these are ongoing not one-offs.
- Understanding that perfectionism isn’t just in the mind but it seeps into daily activities and interactions.
- Breaking tasks into manageable steps, with realistic goals and achievable targets.
- Whilst not indulging your weakness, give yourself the same compassion and kindness you would to a friend.
- Know that we are all ‘works in progress’ – God has grace to cover all our shortcomings and He gives help to overcome them for our characters to become more like Christ.
- Set time limits to prevent overworking and move on when the time is up.
- Bible verses to replace the inner narrative with truth
- Self-awareness and discussions with an honest friend or counsellor.
Perfectionism is a response to anxiety that can be damaging to your relationships and your productive activity. The following self-help quiz could be useful to assess if you’re struggling with perfectionism.
A ‘fun’ self-awareness quiz: Am I a Perfectionist or somewhere on ‘the spectrum’?
| For each of the 10 statements, answer ‘yes’ if it’s generally true for you and ‘no’ if it’s generally not true of you. Be honest with yourself – would a close friend agree with your answers?! | Answer – Yes or No |
| 1. I get irritated when I see sloppiness and have little time for laziness | Yes or No |
| 2. I tend to put things off if I don’t have the time to do them perfectly | Yes or No |
| 3. I strive to impress others with my best qualities or accomplishments | Yes or No |
| 4. I know I set myself demanding standards and often think I should have done better | Yes or No |
| 5. I get upset when things don’t go as planned | Yes or No |
| 6. I am often disappointed in the quality of other people’s work | Yes or No |
| 7. I can get worried about what other people think of achievements or decisions | Yes or No |
| 8. I prefer to have an organised time schedule and avoid spontaneity | Yes or No |
| 9. I like my home and work areas to be neat and tidy | Yes or No |
| 10. I can lose sleep thinking about my performance and sometimes a little obsessed | Yes or No |
| How many times ‘Yes’ |
Scoring a ‘Yes’:
1-2 times – perfectly normal, breathe again!
3-4 times – possibly on the spectrum and need to be careful not to let this thinking take over.
5 – 7 times – it’s likely that you are aware that this thought pattern is affecting you.
8 or more times – this is dangerous territory! Speak to someone you trust and respect for their opinion. Find and learn Bible verses that speak of your value ‘in Christ’ rather than in your performance.
If ‘perfectionism’ poses a personal challenge, what’s to be done? Was Henry Ford right when he said, ‘Whether you think you can or whether you think you cannot, either way you are right’? Common sense tells us that the way we think will affect our behaviour – significant because, when repeated, this goes on to form your habits and those are the building blocks of our character. It all starts in the mind. David Holden shows how ‘the power of God can change your thinking and transform your life’ in his insightful book entitled ‘Battle For The Mind’.
Empowerment for Change – truth to bring you freedom
- It can happen: ‘Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible”’ – Matthew 19:26
- A bit at a time: ‘And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit – 2 Corinthians 3:18
- Take a first step: ‘We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ’ – 2 Corinthians 10:5
- God works with us: ‘But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us’ – 2 Corinthians 4:7
- Doing it His way: ‘For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do’ – Ephesians 2:10
- All things: ‘I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me’ – Philippians 4:13
So be encouraged. Every gift we have has come from God in the first place and so we can give ourselves to doing the best we can for His glory and not ours or anyone else’s – now that is empowering.
God is working on you to bring you to perfection and to be free from ‘perfectionism’ – the two are very different.
Relax and go with God’s agenda and at His pace.
Here’s a song from Hillsong that will help you change your gaze – all that you cannot do, God has done:
For further reading: